guerilla warfare

ive stopped believing. not in a pathetic, depressing, im going to cry myself to sleep sort of way. not in a way that i even noticed until just now. everyday i think i believe a little less. belief that once used to pulse through my veins is slowly, or rather rapidly, seeping out of my bones. its escaping out of every pore with every gust of wind that hits my body. im caught jumping and twirling giving the impression of belief, and the impression of happiness. but im jumping to try to catch the belief and hold it fast in my fingers. but belief isnt a tangible object, is it. so what do you do when the thing you need just keeps slipping between your fingers when you thought for sure you had it this time?

i guess you do what you have to do to make yourself happy. you roll out of bed and strap on your boots and your smile. you go to school and you fake it til you make it. you laugh and sing at the top of your lungs and you start believing. and when it doesn't work sometimes you have to take a deep, lung shattering breath, go to bed, and try again tomorrow.