Yearning

To me; yearning is that intense desire for something that gives you butterflies in your stomach and makes your heart drop with sadness, because yearning, for me, is an intense desire to have something that is horribly unattainable.

The butterflies are nice, they make life interesting and just simply put, lovely. Butterflies in your stomach are lovely even though they are probably unhealthy since they come from a lack of blood in your organs. The problem with yearning is the heart dropping, lump-in-your-throat feeling when that kid leans really close and pulls back. Or when everyone is a part of something that you've only ever dreamed of. When your friends are having group hugs and you're contemplating homicide. Or when you yearn for the past because you want things to be the way they were, or you just wish you had made a different decision. 

There are certain things that, as humans, we crave. We crave the basics, like food and attractiveness. Everybody loves food and everyone wants to be good looking enough to be admired by their peers. There are some other things though, like the gentle touch of a love interest, emotional connections, the feelings of love and belonging, the feeling of being wanted and needed, and the way it feels to make new friends and to be someone's reason to smile. I think these are all things that people crave and craving is similar to yearning, I believe, just in a more raw, carnal way. 

The question I have to decide, I suppose, is, "can I do anything about this?" or will I forever be yearning for the intermost, unattainable, unspoken desires of my heart. 

Ps I wrote this in EMR today. #dank.