Dear Journal

     Here's the thing. I am sorry that I have been so rude to everyone lately. I know I have been a brat.
I am surprised anyone is still friends with me.

     Here is a secret .. I believe I may suffer from seasonal depression. Just from the last two years or so. I have noticed that this year and last year at around this time I haven't been very happy. But who knows, maybe its just a crazy teenager thing.

     Another thing you probably didn't know, lately a few certain people have been getting on my last nerve. Or should I say certain someone.
I know I should probably be the one to apologize. But I am much to prideful for that.

     I wish I was going to have a white christmas.

     There has been one more thing that has been weighing on my mind. When this baby is born, I will be nearly fifteen. Which means three years after she/he is born I will be gone, out of the house, and off to college. I know its probably silly, but I feel like this baby is going to replace me in the family. They will probably give it my room when I leave. I already know my mom loves it most. It will probably be the best looking, smartest, most athletic child. Which would by default make it the favorite. I know its stupid that I am jealous of an unborn child, i am just not sure how to handle this.
     Is this baby even going to know who I am? Will it love me? Will we be friends? By the time it is my age I will be 29 years old.

     My dad never sees his family. What if that happens to my family? I don't want that to happen. Families are the thing you take with you into the after life. What happens if I never see them again? What if they all hate me?




     I know I have just been moping about life, on and on. But it isn't really that bad. Meaning; I will survive.


With all my love,

Savanna Jones

*Yes this is actually what my journal looks like*







just breathe.