My name is Savanna. Love me or Hate me. I don't care.

This is me being me. Not the person I usually pretend I am.



i read books. all the time. i love to read.
i am not as stupid as i sometimes pretend i am.
i do watch disney channel.
i do not feel i am too cool for it.
though i refuse to watch hannah montana,
i am too cool for that show.


i always feel out of place. and never quite know what to do with myself.
but, i really don't want to just blend in,
i want to stand out.
but not in the awkward way that i do.


i have read twilight and harry potter multiple times each.
and even though i say i hate the twilight movies i really don't mind them.
actually I like them.


i am not a people person.
i am very self centered.
i am not always in a good mood.
i am shy.
talking to new people kinda terrifies me.
i force myself to talk to people in class sometimes.


i actually considered to stop eating once.
or twice.
in one of my very low self esteem moments.
i have a lot of those.


i think every single member of my soccer team hates me.
but it doesn't bother me as much as it used to.
don't get me wrong i still don't like it.


i stay up late-real late.
and i sleep a long time.


i always feel the need to be nice to people
but sometimes that really takes a lot out of me
i have zero tolerance for couples in jr high
when someone tells me they are dating i say oh cute!,
but i do not mean it.


i strive for perfection,
even though i know i will not ever get even close.


i don't act the same around certain people.
i act like i don't care, but honestly i really
don't like when a teacher
gets angry at me.


i watch lots of tv,
probably more then the recommended amount.
definitely more then necessar.


i like to think i don't lie,
but i do exaggerate.
a lot.


sometimes i like to go to school.
but usually i drag myself out of bed every morning


i love wearing pretty dresses.
i also love sweatpants.
they both make me feel pretty.
somehow.


i love black nail polish.
i like to put on lipstick,
sometimes
to make myself feel prettty.
i do dance around my room singing.
i do read in the bath tub sometimes.
i walk around my house in sweatpants,
with my hair on the top of my head.
i draw on myself all the time.



i love seminary,
but i really don't like going to church.
i feel bad about it-
but i feel like my church leaders don't care about me,
personally,
and i don't think they really care if i learn anything.



i know its stupid,
but sometimes i have crushes
on guys who have girlfriends,
who i tell everyone i don't like,
who does things wrong, but i look past it.


i want to be the best at something.


i eat way too much food.
i am uncomfortable with my weight.


as much as i say i hate being short,
i love my height.


the very thought of driving kind of terrifys me.
getting anything below an A, also terrifys me.



i love the feel of brushing my teeth
sometimes i brush them way more then necessary.

i want to die my hair dark,
but im afriad of what people will think.
despite what i may tell people,
i really do care what others think about me.



i have lots of clothes i buy, but never want to wear


i hate,
hate.
hate.
making decisions.
i cry,
cry
and cry
then cry more.
until i can't handle it anymore
then i just scream.


i love fall weather, when its not fall.
i miss the sun. when its not summer.


when my sister cries,
i hide in my room and pretend i don't hear,
because i honestly can't deal with it. at all.


i have high ambitions,
but the determination of a shellfish.


i have at times been popular,
the kind of popular when everyone wants to be my friend,
thats probably why i feel like no one likes me now.








despite everything i hate,
and all my problems,
i am so blessed.





Just B.R.E.A.T.H.E